ugly

Oh you haven’t seen ugly yet

like how I could get ugly

and you wouldn’t be able to stand on your two legs

in fear of what I can become

 

and you will thank me for hiding away

in some dark cave of my own choosing

and for not subjecting you to the horrors

of my dark and of my nightmare being

 

but even if you can’t see me, you will know

with every scream in the dark, as the earth shakes

and the smell of arson that wafts through your window

that I have spared you from terrible deeds

 

even in my anguish, in my fury

I am still capable of gifts and gratitude

and wish you no harm from the ugliness within

hold on to that: there is still the me you know somewhere

 

he is hiding, fetal position, making not a sound

finding solace underneath the earth, out of prying eyes

the sleeping heart of a vile beast

gathering strength to overcome the ugliness he becomes

(November 3, 2009)